CONNECTING WITH YOUR ROOTS!

Oh gosh…it’s been ages!

There is something I really cannot get pass and I honestly want to talk about it. Please feel free to leave your comments as I really want to sound the opinions of others. Maybe am just being paranoid!

I am an African to the core but happen to be in another man’s land fulfilling part my dream (the big picture). I am really trying to enjoy this period of being away from home (9jer) in my life. Not easy I must say but I am not complaining. This brings to mind the adage that goes thus; ‘There is no place like home’.

In the society I live in at the moment, there are quite a number of people who share the same origin with me. A good percentage of them have been in this society for many years, established themselves, raised families et al. However, one thing that seriously irritates me is the conscious effort some members of my community make trying to dissociate themselves from their roots!

Ridiculous!

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend and was amazed when she said she would not want her kids speaking her native dialect. They’ve got to speak the Queen’s English only. In my opinion, that is complete nonsense! This I consider the beginning of losing your identity. If your mother taught you in her dialect, why should you not pass on the same to your offspring? One question I always put back to her is; will the queen specially commend you for that? She does not even care what language your kids speak and no matter the level of the Queen’s English they speak, it is never going to change their skin pigmentation into that of a white person.

The classic is people who say they cannot not give kids names in their dialect. I was having another conversation with a group of friends about names. Some members of the group emphatically said they cannot give their children Yoruba names. These people are Yorubas by the way. I took the discussion further and ask about some specific names, taking the pain to explain the meaning of the names. I was gobsmacked at their attitudes & responses.

Alright, for the Yoruba speaking community, checkout some of the names I suggested. ‘ANJOLAOLUWA’ meaning ‘We are enjoying the goodness & wealth of God’. Guess what they said, not for them, they will rather names their kids some name they themselves don’t know the meaning simply because it sounds posh. How pathetic! Don’t get me wrong, I have got nothing against names from other tribes but I won’t condone someone or anyone running down his own tribe all for the sake trying to be ‘posh’. Get a grip! Every single person in that discussion group grew up in Nigeria and only came into this country as adults. I see people who act this way as fake & mentally distorted with identity and personality disorder.

We are all humans and the fact that our culture & language differs those NOT impose superiority. Our strength is in our diversity so the earlier you embrace who you are, where you come from & connect with your roots the better you understand you.

I am not a racist, far from it but I love who I am. I am black and I am extremely proud to be. Being black is so beautiful inside out!


Yoruba – One of the numerous tribes in Nigeria. Majority can be found in the western part of the country. It is also the name of the language spoken in the tribe

Nigerians and their Economic witchcraft

I saw a comment by a concerned citizen of Nigeria on the furore caused by the CBN Governor and the President of Nigeria concerning the re-denomination of the Naira. You should all read it on http://allafrica.com/stories/200708300200.html.

I do agree with this citizen, that there are some backward regressing people out there who would do anything to stop the economic progression of Nigeria. I really did look forward to seeing the outcome of the re-denomination but I guess I'll have to wait.

I would encourage everyone to watch the news closely and hope that this policy will re-surface in some way, shape or form because we need some serious reforms to get our beloved country on track for future globalisation.

This is kaffy stating her opinion.

World Class babysitter

Its only a little past midnight and I am getting ready to retire for the night. I am so exhausted it is unbelieveable. I got a call from my big brother on thursday evening requesting my world class babysitting service for his wife who just got back from the hospital. I agreed (like i had any choice), not a biggy...its friday, great opportunity to mingle with family instead of being all by myself in my flat. Moreover, its always a pleasure going to their crib, its been proven over and over again, i never leave them empty handed...lol! From a bowl of rice & peas with curry goat to a sleek digital cam to .....I cannot complain.

Well before I digress, I got to my crib at about 5pm from work to pack my overnight bag. Next to my crib is the tube and bus station, i decided to get to my destination using the tube. Big Mistake! It took me longer. I was determined not to get pissed by my extended travel time. Rang my client (fab sis-in-law) told tell her i was running late but all i could get from the tone of her voice was excitment...the babysitter is on her way! Ding dong! She yells for my nephew to get the door. We exchanged pleasantries and did a bit of chatting.

'How do you feel?' I asked my client. 'Ok but a bit discomforted' she replied. Pele! Next thing I heard from my client was, 'Can you get me one of the mango smoothie ice cream from the freezer, pls?' 'Whaaaaat?' I said in my mind. Like the 'butler' I was, I served my client. Concerned about her welfare, I said, 'You ought to be taking 'hot something' instead of 'cold something'. Guess what she said, 'Yes I know, pls make me hot Milo after a little while.' People love to be pampered!

Dinner time, my client wanted chinese. Not a bad idea I said. However, she wanted the one from Coco. Wahala dey o! Coco does not do home delivery! Someone's got to go to the town center were Coco is located to get chinco food. Who will go? Question! Babysitter of course! Not again, I have got to face TFL (transport for London) one more time today. Unlike my crib, I had to do a 10mins walk to the busstop, stayed at the stop another 10 before a bus came, endured a 12mins ride to the town center and another 5 mins walk to Coco noodle bar.

At last, I got to Coco amidst the madness on the high street from the friday club regulars. Placed my order and did another 15mins wait. Order ready, time to go. Then my nightmare or 'eveningmare' started. Got to the busstop and waited for a bus for over half an hour but i realised a lot of buses have been passing but none stopped. That aroused my curiosity and I began to suspect there was something doggy about the stop. Desperate to get out of the cold breeze, I made a frantic call to my client. It was at this time a kind hearted bus driver on the other side of the road pulled up to tell us the busstop is not in use at night time. Gosh! I could have been waiting there till morrin' time!

Quickly, I did yet another 10mins walk to the next stop ensuring my bus number was listed at the stop. TFL, na una biko! Waited another 7mins before I finally got a bus. By this time, I worried for the chinco getting cold. On getting home, my client was ready to devour! What a day with TFL!

Well, I hope to have a sis-in-law that will treat me exactly the way I treat mine, one that will also babysit me when I need to be pampered. I mean it!

Way pass my bedtime, my client is beautifully asleep now. Job done!
Meanwhile, hope to see The Bourne Ultimatum at the cinema this weekend.

Am outta here!

9jers & Owanbe!

I got the treatment the doctor recommended this weekend…………..beauty sleep. It was so nice; I can’t stop talking about it. I have been looking forward to this therapy for a couple of weeks now. It is not really easy living in Mama Charlie’s territory. Working all through the week leaves you with no other option than to cherish your ‘Me Time’ whenever you are fortunate to have one. It’s been one function after the other at the weekends which has left me exhausted over time. For once in a long time, I was looking forward to sitting at my desk at work on a Monday morning.

Meanwhile, I must give it to the 9jer community in this town…you cannot really take out ‘owanbe’ from 9jers, can you? The other weekend, I was at a friend’s wedding and the setting gave me a nostalgic sensation like I was back home. Really classy wedding I must say. While trying to make my way out of the party, I got caught in yet another web of ‘Aso ebi’ for another wedding coming up next weekend. I guess I will have to wrap the attire round me in some way because it has become practically impossible to get a good tailor to give me the much needed couture signature.

There are many ‘obiomas’ who claim to be tailors however, I will rather pass on wearing ‘Aso ebi’ than being a victim of fashion disaster! If you can make Nigerian party outfits in Mama Charlie’s territory, you are King or Queen o! The minimum charge for this service is £40 (Tax-free by the way). Little wonder, the invasion of the industry by ‘Obiomas’. 9jers!!!!!!!!!!



Owanbe: A Nigerian society party or function

Aso Ebi: is a practice of like - dressing predominant among the Yoruba from Nigeria. The similarity in dressing represents in material form the social bonds connecting those taking part; these can be blood family relations, connections through marriage, or simply friendship

Obiomas: Amateur tailors or tailors with little or no tailoring skills

Do people really change?

Do people change? This is a major question I’ve asked myself in recent past. I believe there is the possibility for change in every single person however, to effect change; people need to acknowledge they have problems and truly want to address these problems and they must be willing to fully commit themselves to changing and doing the hard work that it takes to change.

Some people appear to be determined to believe that what is will always be. I see this as the lamest excuse on the planet to defend destructive, foolish & immature behavioural patterns. People are not forced to remain imprisoned forever to patterns detrimental to them. It is only convenient to hide under the umbrella of such thinking after we have exercised our power of choice wrongly.

I was in a conversation with a bloke a couple of months back and I was impressed with his decision to effect positive changes to certain areas of his life knowing the excesses he gets himself involved in. After the converstion, Idecided to go the extra mile. Each time I came across a book or material that I thought will be of good influence on his decision to change, I informed him about it. Couple of months down the line, I realised he might not make it through effecting the change. Reason? SOCIAL DRAG!

Social drag is what happens when you undergo a significant personal shift, yet everyone around you still treats you the same. Whenever a person makes a significant change in their lives, it can take the rest of the world a few years to catch up I have come to realised. This is especially true with family and friends that you don’t see often. Their mental model of who you are is likely to drift behind the real you.

Social drag is explained as the lag time between your changing and the rest of the world giving up its mental image of who you are based on who you have been (to them) in the past. You may have heard the story about the crabs in the bucket. Just as one is about to climb out, the rest of the crabs pull them back down. Sometimes success threatens people simply because it threatens the status quo and the status quo feels stable and predictable.

As far as I am concerned, social drag is a nuisance and a menace. It can be more serious if the drag threatens to slow you down or to erase your progress. You can choose to accept and then ignore it, which often works well when you’re dealing with acquaintances, like co-workers you’re about to leave behind anyway. But if you’re dealing with friends or family members who will be around for a while, I recommend doing something to interrupt their old pattern of relating to you, so you create space for them to get to know the new you. This could be gently but firmly correcting the way they relate to you consistently till they get the message.

I am of a strong opinion that people can change but not all persons have the strong will required to go through the process of change. If you’ve got an irritatingly nagging habit, an attitude that stinks or a rude speech pattern, a complex problem…whatever negativity you are not comfy with in your life, you’ve got to understand the change process starts with you.

I will love to know what your opinion is on change. Hit me back!

How matured are you?

"Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration.If a person can express his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of another person, he is mature, particularly if the issue is very important to both parties." - STEPHEN R. COVEY

I came across this while reading one of his books and its struck me real hard. I pondered on it a while and realised to be a matured person takes a lot. Contrary to popular opinion, maturity does not necessarily come with age. A recent experience proved this. I was flabbergasted at the intellectual depth of a 21year old sista when her opinion was sought on a very controversial issue.

As humans, we are naturally selfish. This has got great effects on our ability to put a balance between courage and consideration. I am of the opinion that every person should be able to express their feelings at anytime but I strongly disagree with the idea of expressing one’s self without considering how it will affect the listener(s). Making the conscious effort to cushion our thoughts & opinions with soft, gentle words goes a very long way in maintaining good relationships with people.

Do something good today...express yourself with a little bit of consideration for the listening party!